The Devastation of Hurricane Irene

Posted on August 27, 2011 by Rob Pollak

We are back from bowling. Other than Anne’s epic performance, the event was a great diversion from the devastation of Hurricane Irene. Also, I suffered the most painful injury of my lifetime. After the thirtieth straight roll where my ball found the heart of the pocket and did not result in a strike, I fell to the ground in mock agony. As I flopped around the floor to express my frustration with bowling, I either broke every one of my ribs or severely pulled a muscle. I now feel like my abdomen has winds gusting upwards of 110 miles an hour and I am in class 4 pain.

Thankfully, we are now back at the safe house and Anne’s parents spent the afternoon preparing typical hurricane snacks:

pigs in a blanket
meatball sliders
an apple pie
a vegetable quiche
cheese and crackers

If this searing pain in my side does not go away, at least I’ll be in a food coma for the rest of the night.

Also, I bowled four games: 127; 144; 152; 72 (post injury.)

Attn: Internet

Posted on August 25, 2011 by Rob Pollak

I’m going on vacation! See below for information on what you should do in my absence:

If you’re a fan of my blog: Fear not. I will continue to provide infrequent updates while away. My absence may be a good time to visit the archives.

If you’re a hurricane about to devastate the Eastern seaboard: Please hold off until after my flight departs. Please be gentle, and if you do destroy my apartment, please notify my office that I will be trapped in Ireland for the foreseeable future with no way to communicate or get home. Please also notify them that despite my being unable to work, I would appreciate the continuation of my direct deposit program.

If you’re a robber: I bolted the door. So you should suck it.

If you’re someone who gave me advice on things to do in Ireland: You should ignore my blog for the time being. I’ll probably only do one of the things you suggested, and someone else suggested the same thing.

If you’re an asshole: Be forewarned that some of my best drawings are conceptualized at airports and on flights with no wifi.

If you’re the Euro: Please decline in value.

If you’re pregnant and running a pool that I entered regarding the birth date of your child: Please stay strong until September 2nd.

If you’re my dad: Call me every day, because you’ve already forgotten that I’m going on vacation.

If you’re still reading this: I love you. Thanks for reading.

Gallery

Posted on August 18, 2011 by Rob Pollak

This gallery contains 1 photo.

Posted on August 17, 2011 by Rob Pollak

I Hate You Brunch

Posted on July 5, 2011 by Rob Pollak

I hate you brunch. I hate your frittatas and three egg omelets. I hate your long lines on the Upper West Side. I hate you most in the winter, when I stand outside in the cold while turtle-necked-sweater-wearers sip lattes from over-sized mugs. I hate your policy that my whole party must arrive before I can sit. I hate you in the summer when my iced coffee is just hot coffee poured over ice. I hate your stupid menus and hollandaise sauces. I hate when you add bananas to pancakes. I hate your one shitty sandwich that taunts me with what could have been if you served lunch. I hate that you charge me 29 dollars for two eggs, bacon, and toast. I hate that you think adding the words “Applewood” and “smoked” to bacon make it better. I hate your slow service. I hate that this exists. I hate that despite all these feelings, I’m stuck with you. Because everyone else thinks you’re f*ck!ng fantastic.