Food Diary (a.k.a. I’m a Fat F*&K)

According to science, I am somewhere between -3 and 26 lbs overweight.  Since no one without a phd in literature can understand the instructions for determining “frame size,” I am considering myself a medium frame.  I also have miniature wrists and the smallest neck of any adult man.  Perhaps my frame may even be small.  

I exercise a lot.  So here I am, finally admitting that the only reason I am not yet gracing the cover of men’s health magazine is related to my diet.  

I hope you’re ready internet, because I’m considering keeping a running food diary on my tumblr to hold myself accountable.  To see if this is even possible, here’s my recreation of everything I have eaten since 6 am on Thursday morning.

Thursday (Pretty sure this was the healthiest day)


20 oz Iced coffee (Thanks Mayor Bloomberg!)

6 oz oatmeal from Whole Foods


4 mile run on treadmill.  (Sweat rating 3.5 towels)


Salad with blackened chicken, whole wheat pita, rice, avocado, cucumber, sesame ginger dressing.  

Beverage – Water


Chipotle Burrito Bowl (Picture is representative, but not accurate).  Brown rice, black beans, Barbacoa (no clue what this is), hot salsa, corn salsa, a little cheese.  (No guac or sour cream)

Beverage – water

Entire pint of this:




20 oz iced coffee

Corn muffin from a food cart parked outside my apartment


Two apple sauces – single serve size, not whole jars

Workout:  One hour Vinyassa Yoga (image below), Jog 1.1 miles.  (Sweat Rating:  3 towels)


Whole Foods Hot bar (Total Weight 1.29 lbs).  Items included:  Brown rice, Chicken Curry, Four pieces of Naan, One potato Samosa, Mexican Rice

Drink – Sparkling Mandarin Water


I cooked this.  I added an extra half pound of the skirt steak because two of us were eating.  Then I ate approximately one pound of skirt steak.  

I also ate 170 blue corn chips with guacamole.  

Beverage:  Mandarin Orange Seltzer



Breakfast – onion bagel with lo-fat cream cheese from Zuckers

20 oz Iced Coffee.


Chicken Selects Meal from McDonalds (5 pc) (20 oz Coke) (Medium Fries)


Leftover dinner from last night (Serving Size – Medium)

20 more chips with guac


3ish Mile Run.  Outdoors.  Sweated my balloons off.

And that’s where I’m at.  I think that I’m eating pretty healthily, so if anyone notices any issues or has suggestions for ways that I can cut down on unnecessary calories, I would love to hear them.  

I Hate You Brunch

I hate you brunch.  I hate your frittatas and three egg omelets.  I hate your long lines on the Upper West Side.  I hate you most in the winter, when I stand outside in the cold while turtle-necked-sweater-wearers sip lattes from over-sized mugs.  I hate your policy that my whole party must arrive before I can sit.  I hate you in the summer when my iced coffee is just hot coffee poured over ice.  I hate your stupid menus and hollandaise sauces.  I hate when you add bananas to pancakes.  I hate your one shitty sandwich that taunts me with what could have been if you served lunch.  I hate that you charge me 29 dollars for two eggs, bacon, and toast.  I hate that you think adding the words “Applewood” and “smoked” to bacon make it better.  I hate your slow service.  I hate that this exists.  I hate that despite all these feelings, I’m stuck with you.  Because everyone else thinks you’re f*ck!ng fantastic.