Well, we’re off to Ireland after a slight hiccup thanks to hurricane Irene. Speaking of which, did you know that you can’t spell Ireland without Irene? I read that somewhere.
In addition to packing everything I own that’s green, I’ve been practicing some of the colloquialisms of the country. Here are some of the things that I have been advised to say all the time when I’m in Ireland:
– Wow, the Guinness really does taste different over here.
– Hi, I’m looking for Rory McIlroy.
– OMG! There’s a flock of sheep crossing the road.
– Ahoy Matey
– Do you know Bono?
– Huh? I guess people don’t really wear kilts here.
If they have the internet over there, I’ll be live blogging everything we do. In all seriousness though, I’d really like to play a round of golf with Rory. Can anyone get that set up?
Irene was approaching the city,
which everyone agreed was quite shitty.
Please pray for my flight.
It’s Saturday night.
I’m going on vacation! See below for information on what you should do in my absence:
If you’re a fan of my blog: Fear not. I will continue to provide infrequent updates while away. My absence may be a good time to visit the archives.
If you’re a hurricane about to devastate the Eastern seaboard: Please hold off until after my flight departs. Please be gentle, and if you do destroy my apartment, please notify my office that I will be trapped in Ireland for the foreseeable future with no way to communicate or get home. Please also notify them that despite my being unable to work, I would appreciate the continuation of my direct deposit program.
If you’re a robber: I bolted the door. So you should suck it.
If you’re someone who gave me advice on things to do in Ireland: You should ignore my blog for the time being. I’ll probably only do one of the things you suggested, and someone else suggested the same thing.
If you’re an asshole: Be forewarned that some of my best drawings are conceptualized at airports and on flights with no wifi.
If you’re the Euro: Please decline in value.
If you’re pregnant and running a pool that I entered regarding the birth date of your child: Please stay strong until September 2nd.
If you’re my dad: Call me every day, because you’ve already forgotten that I’m going on vacation.
If you’re still reading this: I love you. Thanks for reading.