Food Diary (a.k.a. I’m a Fat F*&K)

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According to science, I am somewhere between -3 and 26 lbs overweight.  Since no one without a phd in literature can understand the instructions for determining “frame size,” I am considering myself a medium frame.  I also have miniature wrists and the smallest neck of any adult man.  Perhaps my frame may even be small.  

I exercise a lot.  So here I am, finally admitting that the only reason I am not yet gracing the cover of men’s health magazine is related to my diet.  

I hope you’re ready internet, because I’m considering keeping a running food diary on my tumblr to hold myself accountable.  To see if this is even possible, here’s my recreation of everything I have eaten since 6 am on Thursday morning.

Thursday (Pretty sure this was the healthiest day)

Breakfast:

20 oz Iced coffee (Thanks Mayor Bloomberg!)

6 oz oatmeal from Whole Foods

Workout:

4 mile run on treadmill.  (Sweat rating 3.5 towels)

Lunch:

Salad with blackened chicken, whole wheat pita, rice, avocado, cucumber, sesame ginger dressing.  

Beverage – Water

Dinner:

Chipotle Burrito Bowl (Picture is representative, but not accurate).  Brown rice, black beans, Barbacoa (no clue what this is), hot salsa, corn salsa, a little cheese.  (No guac or sour cream)

Beverage – water

Dessert:  
Entire pint of this:

 

Friday:  

Breakfast:

20 oz iced coffee

Corn muffin from a food cart parked outside my apartment

Snack:

Two apple sauces – single serve size, not whole jars

Workout:  One hour Vinyassa Yoga (image below), Jog 1.1 miles.  (Sweat Rating:  3 towels)

Lunch:  

Whole Foods Hot bar (Total Weight 1.29 lbs).  Items included:  Brown rice, Chicken Curry, Four pieces of Naan, One potato Samosa, Mexican Rice

Drink – Sparkling Mandarin Water

Dinner:

I cooked this.  I added an extra half pound of the skirt steak because two of us were eating.  Then I ate approximately one pound of skirt steak.  

I also ate 170 blue corn chips with guacamole.  

Beverage:  Mandarin Orange Seltzer

Dessert:

Saturday:

Breakfast – onion bagel with lo-fat cream cheese from Zuckers

20 oz Iced Coffee.

Lunch:

Chicken Selects Meal from McDonalds (5 pc) (20 oz Coke) (Medium Fries)

Snack:

Leftover dinner from last night (Serving Size – Medium)

20 more chips with guac

Workout:

3ish Mile Run.  Outdoors.  Sweated my balloons off.

And that’s where I’m at.  I think that I’m eating pretty healthily, so if anyone notices any issues or has suggestions for ways that I can cut down on unnecessary calories, I would love to hear them.  

Hit me up

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There are about 100 random things that I want to post about.  Things that are brewing in my head right now.  This will be a teaser as I work out the details:

1.  Crunchers – I want to open a sandwich shop that solves two problems.  1) There is a lack of great sandwich shops in New York.  The key is good bread.  2)  Chips should come standard on every sandwich.  Crunchers will solve these two atrocious problems.  I don’t want to give away the secret of how I propose to do this.  But if Samuel L. Jackson was in a movie about it, it would be called Chips on a Sandwich.   Think about it.  (I think the domain name is mine for the taking!)

2.  The Hunger (Drinking) Games:  I read 1.5 of the Hunger Games trilogy.  Spoiler Alert – It’s not based on a true story.  Another project I am working on is the Hunger Games Theme Party.  A competition based drinking event where there is only one survivor.  For liability purposes, I don’t think guests should have to drink themselves to death, but maybe they can somehow figuratively be eliminated from the earth during the party.  Open to suggestions.

3.  Community is a good show.  

4.  I hate every signoff when I am writing a sort of formal email.  Thanks/Sincerely/Best/Best Regards/Thinking of you Fondly/Yours Truly/ Love/xoxo/etc. None of them satisfy me, and I feel like a tool using them.  From now forward, I am going with “hit me up.”

5.  The North Carolina Project continues to gain traction.  However, when I was writing the post, I forgot that I do know a lot of people in North Carolina.  When they read about the Project, they responded with anger that I did not remember that I lived there.  So I take back thinking that everyone in NC is nice.  They are actually really mean and selfish and unwelcoming.  If someone said they were moving to near me and posted on a blog about it and forgot I lived there, I would send them gifts or money or a funny email.  I’m offended they would not do the same.  

6.  Just thinking out loud here, but I think it’s going to be a hot summer.  

7.  By 100 things, I actually meant 3 and then tried to stretch it to 100, but only got to 6.  Plus this one.  

8.  Plus this one.  Suck it.

That’s all for now.  Will be back to work keeping everyone entertained soon.  

Hit me up,

R.

The North Carolina Project

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The plan, tentatively titled “the North Carolina Project,” is coming together.  By the time it is fully enacted, this plan will lead to eternal happiness for everyone involved.  Try and find a flaw with this plan:

Step 1 – Move to North Carolina
Step 2 – Have everyone in the world that you know and like move to North Carolina
Step 3 – Achieve eternal happiness

Those three simple steps form the basic outline of the plan.  Right now, no one I know lives in North Carolina.  To get the ball rolling on this plan, Anne and I have to be the first movers.  Mostly because no one else will, but also because the two of us are insanely popular and likable.  We have been credited with starting other similarly popular trends.  Most recently skinny jeans, hipsterism, liking Adele, and geo-location apps.  

If we stay in NY, we can continue to live in apartments like this:

If we move to North Carolina, for the same amount of money we can live in a place like this:

Although the NC Project allows each participating family to have their own house, based on my initial research, I could have 20 of my closest friends join me, we can buy one house together, and all have about the same amount of space as we do in our current NYC apartments.  From a purely mathematical standpoint, there is no flaw with this plan.

Step 2 is the most important.  Right now, the biggest argument against NCP is that being all alone in a huge house in the middle of nowhere can be scary.  But if you have everyone you like in the world nearby, then it doesn’t matter where you are.  I learned this when I went to college in Clinton, NY.  There, the sun shines once every five months, the snow melts less frequently than that, I gained 125 lbs in four weeks during my freshman year, the best musical performance was done by a band called Guster, a rock attached to a swing was a constant source of entertainment, and yet I still look back fondly on those times.  If you surround yourself with good people, then the rest just naturally comes together.  North Carolina can be like college but with 6000 square foot houses, Weber grills, 27 hole golf memberships, temperate climates, and all the chain restaurants your little heart desires.  

Please let me know as soon as possible if you want in.  Anne and I are planning on moving there on September 1.  

Note that it’s a really loose plan at this point.  As in, I haven’t actually mentioned this to Anne.  She hasn’t actually agreed to it.  We both get incredibly sunburned if we are outside for more than 5 minutes (or for that matter, we burn even when we’ve been inside for five minutes and the temperature outside exceeds 85 degrees).   No one has agreed to this plan.  Basically 85% of our entire extended family and network of friends lives in the tri-state area.  We know nothing else about North Carolina other than what I could find during a five minute internet search for the terms “North Carolina + Golf.”

In other words, it’s a lock to happen.  See you all in the south!