Things I should be into

Posted on July 16, 2012 by Rob Pollak

I’ve recently found some new things that I’m pretty into. For instance, I never thought I’d like yoga, but then I saw how much better life can be if I joined a cult and then I stopped blogging for 5 months and no one seemed to worry about me at all. I may have written off Downton Abbey in my younger days, but recently I found myself waiting with Bated breath to find out if Mr. Bates would kill Anna. (I really didn’t mean for that to be a Bates pun).

In other words, I’m trying to get more into getting into new things and I’m open to suggestions. Here are some things that may help you recommend your favorite things to me.

MUSIC:

One of my worst qualities is that I’m just not that into music. I can’t listen to music while I do other things. I don’t turn on music when I get home. I am tone deaf. Others cringe when I sing along. I’m not that into hip hop. I’m pretty out of touch with modern music trends. I like Mumford & Sons. So if you have suggestions for things that might break me from this trend, call me maybe?

TV:

I still haven’t watched Breaking Bad. I watch Louie. I watched 4/9s of the Girls season and liked all the ones I watched but didn’t commit. I have the attention span of a 17 month old with ADHD, yet I don’t really like clip shows. I have netflix streaming but don’t use it enough. I’d like to binge watch a couple of shows that will make me happy. Preferably comedy.

Movies:

I just saw 21 Jump Street. Surprisingly good. I have the least discerning palate of any movie goer ever. I literally can’t remember a movie I didn’t at least think was ok.

Web/Apps:

Should I be more pinteresting?

Fitness:

I’m bored with running, which is making training for and committing to the marathon pretty difficult. I have been doing other workouts to keep myself from running. Any ways to make running more exciting (other than those I read about at Hot Bird Running?)

I’ve been trying to do a handstand against the door of my apartment, but Anne thinks it’s too dangerous. I also worry that one time I will be upside down and she’ll come through the door and break my neck and then feel really bad that I end up in a wheelchair and she has to take care of me for the rest of her life and feed me through a straw. So that’s pretty much the danger threshold.

Things to do:

If you know any cool things to do, I will try them and write about them. Last week I explored Chinatown and the best thing I found was this:

So if your suggestion was going to be squeezable breast balls, then you can hold your advice until later.

Why I Run

Posted on June 7, 2012 by Rob Pollak

Happy National Running Day! Since I’m a rule follower, here’s my contribution to National Running Day’s “I run…” campaign.

I run…

Because it lets me eat like this.

Because all you need is a pair of sneakers (and a GPS watch, and an ipod shuffle, and Body Glide, and a sweatband, and a wicking shirt, and a wicking hat)

Because evolution demands it.

Because I seem like the calm one when standing with a group of anxious runners before the start of a race.

Because I no longer feel safe on yoga retreats.

Because from 2004-2009 I had one pair of pants that I wore every day. (and in 2008, I didn’t really even button them all the way)

Because I really really really really really love ice cream.

Because of the race photos:

Because I’ve got great friends to run with, and they have no choice but to listen to everything I say the entire time.

Because I can obsess over my race times being posted on the internet.

Because if you google “Rob Pollak Running,” this comes up in the image search:

But also this (Another Pollak who’s running … for office! Get it? Zing. LOL!)

Because it gives me something to blog about.

Have a great national running day everybody! Vote Pollak!

Operation: Jamaican Me Healthy

Posted on February 22, 2012 by Rob Pollak

March 31 will mark the amazing five-year anniversary of my marriage to Anne. So in recognition of her tremendous patience, perseverance, tolerance, patience, devotion, sense of humor, patience, and ability to see the potential in others, we will be taking a celebratory trip to Jamaica.

To commemorate this momentous occasion, I’ve decided to do something extra special for Anne. That’s right, I intend to remove my shirt in public for the first time since forced to pass a mandatory swim test on my first day of college. Because I work best when instructed to follow an explicit set of rules, I enacted Operation: Jamaican Me Healthy, a ten-step plan designed to help me and others achieve the perfect beach bod.

Operation: Jamaican Me Healthy (patent pending)

Step 1: Take a photo of yourself and identify any potential areas for improvement:

Step 2: Reduce the number of meals eaten at shake shack from 5 to 3 per week.

Step 3: Increase the amount of exercise from none times per week to at least 6 times per day.

Step 4: Think of as many “Jamaican me” jokes as you can. Use them at least once per conversation. Pray that despite step 4 you still make it to that elusive five year anniversary.

Step 5: If you see, smell, hear, touch, bathe in, or otherwise come into contact with ice cream, repeat step 4.

Step 6: No alcohol except for Red Stripe and rum punch.

Step 7: Watch The Biggest Loser and Cool Runnings every week.

Step 8: At the end of each day, stand shirtless in front of the bathroom mirror and flex your muscles. If Anne anyone knocks on the door and asks “what are you doing in there? Everything ok” respond with, “Sorry. That healthy dinner I had tonight must have ja-made my stomach upset.” Then remind yourself that “jamaican me” jokes don’t work as well in the past tense, flex three more times, flush the toilet to complete the story you were selling, and get a good night’s sleep.

Step 9: If the first eight steps are not jamaican you as ripped as you hoped to be, seek extensive lipo or other forms of plastic surgery.

Step 10: Remove your shirt, retake your photo, and witness your amazing transformation from step 1:

26.2 Reasons I’m Not Running the NYC Marathon

Posted on February 4, 2012 by Rob Pollak

A few months ago, I deferred my entry for tomorrow’s NYC marathon. I am still conflicted about it. On the one hand, it makes me sad that I didn’t follow through on a goal. On the other, I ran a 5K today and I’ve already taken two recovery naps. So running 8 of those back to back seems like a terrible way to spend a Sunday. In other words, I’m still working off a lifetime of laziness. Here’s a permanent record of the reasons excuses for why I’ll be on the sidelines tomorrow instead of a bastion of hope for future generations of runners:

Extreme laziness
26 miles seems really far
It was too hot during the peak training months
I drank wine and/or beer too many nights before training runs
My ankle hurt one day when I should have been training
Fear of nipple chafing
The snooze button
Large blister on the bottom of my foot on August 19, 2011
Apple Pucker and commemorative key rings set me back at least two weeks
I am an amazing spectator
With a little persuasion/nagging Anne will run it with me next year
The scene on last year’s Biggest Loser when one of the contestants had an emergency number 2 stop at a port-o-john during the marathon
Still trying to find an appropriate pose for the race photographers*
Hurricane Irene
Four day delay in getting new sneakers after my old pair got wet and I refused to run in them again.
I can’t set the world record on a course that doesn’t begin and end in the same location.
Inner thigh chafing
Who wants to go to Staten Island?
Didn’t want to overdo it with the carbo loading
The 1%
I now have another year to think of clever running related blog topics
I wanted to refocus my attention on blogging
It seemed stupid to train during the summer just in case the rapture happened
I was worried that I would hit the wall and die at mile 24 and not finish. Just like I did in this stupid post.