My biggest fears about hurricane Irene

Posted on August 27, 2011 by Rob Pollak

in order from most to least terrifying:

Losing wifi
Drinking strawberry sparkling water
Erased DVR
Death
Delays in seamless web delivery
Melted ice cream
Wet socks

Hurricane Irene Preparations

Posted on August 27, 2011 by Rob Pollak

Walking through Whole Foods last night, I was surprised by the precautions people had taken. The store was out of bread, nuts, dried fruit, pasta, and water. Except for the strawberry sparkling water. That means that not one, but pretty much every person in New York, had walked down that aisle to stock up on water and made a value judgment. They would literally rather die than drink strawberry sparkling water. That water must taste awful because, although I have not tasted death before, I have always assumed it to be worse than strawberries. Does someone from the whole foods corporate office have to walk through each store before a natural disaster and take inventory on the things that didn’t sell out? And fire the person responsible for including it in the inventory in the first place?

For the record, I was in whole foods buying ice cream and chocolate sauce. If I’m going down, I’m doing it in style.

A limerick regarding Hurricane Irene

Posted on August 26, 2011 by Rob Pollak

Irene was approaching the city,

which everyone agreed was quite shitty.

Please pray for my flight.

It’s Saturday night.

F*ck.

Attn: Internet

Posted on August 25, 2011 by Rob Pollak

I’m going on vacation! See below for information on what you should do in my absence:

If you’re a fan of my blog: Fear not. I will continue to provide infrequent updates while away. My absence may be a good time to visit the archives.

If you’re a hurricane about to devastate the Eastern seaboard: Please hold off until after my flight departs. Please be gentle, and if you do destroy my apartment, please notify my office that I will be trapped in Ireland for the foreseeable future with no way to communicate or get home. Please also notify them that despite my being unable to work, I would appreciate the continuation of my direct deposit program.

If you’re a robber: I bolted the door. So you should suck it.

If you’re someone who gave me advice on things to do in Ireland: You should ignore my blog for the time being. I’ll probably only do one of the things you suggested, and someone else suggested the same thing.

If you’re an asshole: Be forewarned that some of my best drawings are conceptualized at airports and on flights with no wifi.

If you’re the Euro: Please decline in value.

If you’re pregnant and running a pool that I entered regarding the birth date of your child: Please stay strong until September 2nd.

If you’re my dad: Call me every day, because you’ve already forgotten that I’m going on vacation.

If you’re still reading this: I love you. Thanks for reading.