26.2 Reasons I’m Not Running the NYC Marathon

A few months ago, I deferred my entry for tomorrow’s NYC marathon.  I am still conflicted about it.  On the one hand, it makes me sad that I didn’t follow through on a goal.  On the other, I ran a 5K today and I’ve already taken two recovery naps.  So running 8 of those back to back seems like a terrible way to spend a Sunday.  In other words, I’m still working off a lifetime of laziness.  Here’s a permanent record of the reasons excuses for why I’ll be on the sidelines tomorrow instead of a bastion of hope for future generations of runners:

  1. Extreme laziness
  2. 26 miles seems really far
  3. It was too hot during the peak training months
  4. I drank wine and/or beer too many nights before training runs
  5. My ankle hurt one day when I should have been training
  6. Fear of nipple chafing
  7. The snooze button
  8. Large blister on the bottom of my foot on August 19, 2011
  9. Apple Pucker and commemorative key rings set me back at least two weeks
  10. I am an amazing spectator
  11. With a little persuasion/nagging Anne will run it with me next year
  12. The scene on last year’s Biggest Loser when one of the contestants had an emergency number 2 stop at a port-o-john during the marathon
  13. Still trying to find an appropriate pose for the race photographers*
  14. Hurricane Irene
  15. Four day delay in getting new sneakers after my old pair got wet and I refused to run in them again. 
  16. I can’t set the world record on a course that doesn’t begin and end in the same location.
  17. Inner thigh chafing
  18. Who wants to go to Staten Island?
  19. Didn’t want to overdo it with the carbo loading
  20. The 1%
  21. I now have another year to think of clever running related blog topics
  22. I wanted to refocus my attention on blogging
  23. It seemed stupid to train during the summer just in case the rapture happened
  24. I was worried that I would hit the wall and die at mile 24 and not finish.  Just like I did in this stupid post. 

Good luck to everyone running!  See you next year…

* For example:

A few random items that are bothering me

  1. The let rule in tennis – Why is it a redo if the ball clips the net and ends up going in, but a fault if it tips the net and lands out?  In both cases, the ball clips the net.  If the purpose of the rule is that the clipping of the net creates unpredictability, then wouldn’t a serve ending up in or out be a perfect example of that unpredictability?  In case that didn’t make any sense, let’s just all agree to agree on this.
  2. Throwing it around the horn – When a guy strikes out in baseball, the players throw the ball around the horn as follows:  Catcher to Third to Second to Short to Third.  Two times for the third baseman, none times for the first baseman.  There’s only one explanation: Racism.  
  3. The Entourage Finale – My only gripe was that when Lloyd pulled up to Ari’s driveway, the director should have done a better job of focusing the camera on the car’s Chevy logo.  It wasn’t quite centered in the screen, which seemed inconsistent with the show’s internal framework.  On the positive side, I was happy to see that Vince and Sofia finally got together. 
  4. Pints – Upon returning from Ireland, I learned that a pint does not equal a pint.  Why didn’t anyone tell me that a pint in Ireland is 20oz (or as commonly called, “not a pint”) as compared to America’s 16oz pint (aka, “a pint”).  I am considering launching my own guidebook company that includes only important information.  Can’t we all agree that everyone skips over the “history” and “architecture” sections anyway?