One Last Thought on Entourage

I don’t have a brother, or many friends, so I may be off base here.  But if I was Drama, and had dedicated my entire life to my baby bro (cooked for him, protected him, cared for him, poured out all the booze when he came home from rehab), I would be livid that he chose E as his best man. 

Luckily tonight starts the new season of Survivor, where I don’t have to worry about such complicated issues.

A few random items that are bothering me

  1. The let rule in tennis – Why is it a redo if the ball clips the net and ends up going in, but a fault if it tips the net and lands out?  In both cases, the ball clips the net.  If the purpose of the rule is that the clipping of the net creates unpredictability, then wouldn’t a serve ending up in or out be a perfect example of that unpredictability?  In case that didn’t make any sense, let’s just all agree to agree on this.
  2. Throwing it around the horn – When a guy strikes out in baseball, the players throw the ball around the horn as follows:  Catcher to Third to Second to Short to Third.  Two times for the third baseman, none times for the first baseman.  There’s only one explanation: Racism.  
  3. The Entourage Finale – My only gripe was that when Lloyd pulled up to Ari’s driveway, the director should have done a better job of focusing the camera on the car’s Chevy logo.  It wasn’t quite centered in the screen, which seemed inconsistent with the show’s internal framework.  On the positive side, I was happy to see that Vince and Sofia finally got together. 
  4. Pints – Upon returning from Ireland, I learned that a pint does not equal a pint.  Why didn’t anyone tell me that a pint in Ireland is 20oz (or as commonly called, “not a pint”) as compared to America’s 16oz pint (aka, “a pint”).  I am considering launching my own guidebook company that includes only important information.  Can’t we all agree that everyone skips over the “history” and “architecture” sections anyway? 

A blog update about my oblique, as conceptualized by the staff writers of Entourage

[The gang is rapidly walking towards the camera through a crowded bar.  The patrons of the bar include me, the Entourage gang, naked women looking at Vince, Shauna, and Corbin Bernsen.  The camera follows the gang through the bar as they walk.  E’s legs move violently while the others walk at what appears to be a normal pace.  Vince is smiling, because that is the only direction that he understands.  I turn from the bar and hand a round of Budweisers to the gang.  The labels face the camera.]

Turtle:  What’s up fucker?  I can’t believe you ripped your oblique when you were bowling.  Was that 8 pound ball too heavy for you?  [To Corbin Bernsen] Yo, whattup Corbin?

Corbin Bernsen:  Hey Turtle.

Me:  Fuck you, Turtle.  It was a 12 pound ball.

Drama:  I’ve got a couple of 14 pound balls you can use.  Ya know what I mean, baby bro?

Vince:  [smiling]  Yes, Drama.  I know what you mean.  

E:  [to me] Dude, you should get that checked out.  The responsible thing for you to do in this situation would be to go to a doctor and determine if anything is actually wrong with you.

Me:  I did go to the doctor.  He said it didn’t look good and I would probably never be able to do [insert description of career that Vince gave me funding for] again.

Vince:  It’s all good.  [smiling at hot girl walking by].  Turtle, did I fuck her?  

[Cut to gang sitting in living room of Vince’s house.]

E:  Hey, did you ever hear from the doctor?

Me:  Not yet, but I’m expecting his call soon.  It’s probably going to be bad.  Very bad.

[a cell phone rings.  Everyone looks at one another eagerly awaiting the call.]

Me:  It’s the doctor.  Should I answer it?

Vince:  Answer it.

E:  Answer it.

Turtle:  Answer it, come on, answer it.

Jeremy Piven [appearing out of nowhere]:  Answer it, you fat fuck.

Me: Hello? [covering phone with hand.] It’s the doctor.

Vince:  [trying to look concerned, but smiling]  What’s he saying?

Drama:  Yeah, what’s he saying?  Did he ask about me?  

E:  Dudes, shut up.  Let him listen.  [beat, then urgently]  Seriously, what’s he saying?

Me:  [Looking at the camera forlornly]  It’s not good.  He says, I need surgery and won’t ever be able to [insert same description of career from above] again.




Me:  Ahhhhh.  Gotcha!  Hahahaha.  LOLOLOL.  He said that it is actually a rare condition called meloniamoirians.  It’s so rare, that it actually cures itself after 48 hours.  He wants to study it further so that he can use it to cure cancer.  He offered me 47 million dollars on the spot.  Can you believe it?  Vince, I couldn’t have done this without you.  You’re the best.

Vince: Aww, Robbie.  I knew you could do it all along.

[End scene.  No one ever refers back to this story line again.]

Some things that are currently really bothering me about Entourage

  • “You want to ride with?”
  • “Baby Bro”
  • E
  • That Turtle lost 225 lbs and no one mentions it.  In a group of guys where all they do is bust chops 100% of the time, the fat kid becomes the skinny kid and it’s not a source of jokes.  They even made jokes about how he had to wear his clothes from 2005 after the house burned down.  Wouldn’t he at least need to belt that shit?  The kid lost the equivalent of four and a half Es. 
  • Vince
  • That it’s supposed to be a big surprise when we finally find out Mrs. Ari’s name. 
  • That the parts of the show with Billy Walsh are enjoyable.
  • That I still watch it.