Spent some time with my dad this weekend.  Here’s a short list of things he did to annoy me (this list is not exclusive):

– Woke me up 7 minutes earlier than I requested.

– Upon waking me up said, “Just want to make sure you have time to shower.  But I’m getting into the shower now, so you have to wait.”

– Completely abandoned the use of turn signals while driving.

– Ran windshield wipers long after it stopped raining.

– Got ketchup on his upper lip and chin while eating.  Would not wipe it off even after I flashed the international symbol for “you have something on your face.” (pointed to face, said “dad,” pointed to face again, mimicked wiping motion).

– Said he was going to call his internet provider because the internet was not working.  Freaked out at first question, “do you have a modem?”  Then handed me the phone to deal with the problem. 

– Watched TV while I sat on hold for 45 minutes with internet provider.

– After delegating the task of “fixing internet” to me, stood one foot away from me starting the second a live agent picked up the call.

– During a round of golf said “that should be ok” when my ball was actually in the sand trap.

– After eating two burgers and a hot dog for lunch asked me if I could go and get him another burger.  The burger stand was literally two feet away from where he was standing.

– On at least eleven different occasions, said “Did I ever tell you [insert story I’ve heard over 100 times]?”  I said “Yes.”  He then proceeded to tell the entire story anyway. 

– Shuffled his feet while walking.

– Answered his cell phone while I was in the middle of a sentence.

The first in a continuing series.

Golf Course Starter:

Skills Required:

– Punctuality

– Saying “hot enough for ya?” 

– Repeating same jokes over and over

– Firm grasp of proper golf cart operations and safety

– Saying “hot enough for ya?

I’m a perfect fit.  Hit ‘em straight, fellas.