Ireland live blog, part something: Euro 2012

We walked to the Guinness storehouse today. If you have never been to the guinness storehouse, picture exactly what it would be like. Got it in your head? Ok, it was exactly like that. A tip to any man that visits Ireland in the future, don’t order a half pint of anything for yourself. That’s a mistake I do no want to make again. “Git a load of ‘dis guy. He ordered a half pint.” (do the leprechaun voice again).

This evening will bring our greatest adventure yet. We are headed to the 2012 Euro qualifying match between Ireland and Slovakia. I bought the tickets this morning, and I’d put the estimate at 85% chance that we will accidentally be seated in the slovak section. Are they called Slovaks? That sounds sort of racist. Do their fans drink half pints?

unofficial tally:
Pints of Guinness: .5
Miles walked: 6.4
Additional McLovin sightings: 1
Extra Miles walked because neither anne nor I correctly navigated to Guinness storehouse: 3.7
Inappropriate hooligan jokes I make at tonight’s game: 9
Times I get murdered by a Slovak: 1

Tomorrow we head off to a TBD destination. We hear there is going to be an epic hurling final on Sunday. I also plan to do some epic hurling of my own when I switch back to the big boy pints.

Live from Ireland. Day 3

Day two was rather uneventful after an epic night one. We walked around the city and took pictures of things that looked like we were supposed to photograph. We visited the Dublin castle, trinity college, the garden of remembrance, the world’s largest flagpole (the millennium needle), a place with 200 varieties of milkshakes, and walked past Mclovin, who is staying in our hotel. That’s how we roll.

So far, the most I have offended anyone was when I used the “notes” app on my iPhone to record the tourist advice our new friends gave us on our first pub adventure. I think she yelled to the whole bar, “get a load of ‘dis guy. He’s using notes!” That wasn’t as good of a punch line as I had hoped. Read it again and use the voice of a leprechaun. Hilarious.

Day 2 amazingly involved no pubs, no keychains, and no Guinness. we will try to remedy that today…if Anne ever wakes up. Just kidding, Anne (it’s only 7:30) (but seriously, wake the eff up).

Today is our last full day in Dublin. Thanks to all who have suggested things for us to do. We have tried to at least take one photo pretending to do each of those things.

Unofficial tally:
Times I said Mac-looooowvvviinnn in a fake Irish brogue – 134
Times Anne laughed when I did it – 7
Guinness pints – 0
Times I used the notes app to try to remember the name of our new Irish best friends – 2
Jokes I made involving the name of the banging scene from the first restaurant we ate at – 22 (it was called Bang Restaurant)
Times Anne laughed at those jokes – 0

Ireland. Day 2

it’s noon and a crisp beautiful late summer day in Dublin. Last night, Anne and I had an early dinner that finished at 7:30. We were exhausted. In an attempt to fend off the jet lag that was sure to ruin the rest of our trip, we agreed to have “one more pint” at a pub called O’Donagues. By 8:30 we were practically catatonic from sleep deprivation. My cell phone rang. It was Anne’s oldest friend Rebecca, calling to tell us that she had a new baby daughter. The pub’s walls were lined with dollar bills signed by people from all over the world. We commemorated the new baby with her own dollar bill on the wall in Ireland.

That fucking dollar bill. If not for that dollar bill, I’d probably be sitting outside by the river Liffey enjoying the day. But that stupid dollar prompted a conversation with a group of Irish lasses in the pub. They were instant best friends with Anne and tolerated me. 5 hours later, we are taking photos in a rickshaw outside of a funeral home. The details get hazy because Anne got into a drink buying competition with all of Ireland (everyone lost) and the lasses decided their drink of choice would be apple pucker. Sweet. Get it? Because I was being sarcastic about enjoying their drink choice, but it is also a drink that is literally sweet. Anyway, if you ever get the chance, make sure that you hear an Irish person talk about the movie super bad so that they say “mclovin” a lot. It got me every time.

Unofficial trip tally:

Pints of Guinness – 5-13 (est.)
Apple pucker shots – 3
Commemorative photo key chains purchased, with Pictures of me, anne, and Irish people we’ll never see again – 1
Money spent on keychains, in USD – $17