Please Don’t Kill Yourself When You Read This

Recently, a few people have found my blog by searching for “Can I kill myself?” At first, I assumed this was in reaction to reading my blog. But it wasn’t. Apparently I had some quite harsh things to say about Les Miserables and they may have lead some deeply hurt individuals to my blog.

First of all, let’s get a few disclaimers out of the way:

1) I know nothing about suicide prevention. If you are really suicidal, please please please immediately go and find someone to talk to. (Then when you’re better, please come back and click a lot of links on my page and laugh and comment about all my jokes)

2) Don’t see Les Mis. Seriously.

3) If stick figure drawings have anything to do with your suicidal thoughts, definitely do not scroll down or anywhere else on this site.

Great, now that we’ve gotten those out of the way, here are some things I’d like you to know:

1) It gets better

The original it gets better campaign may not be directed at you. But that doesn’t matter, it’s still a great message. Someone said it to me just the other day. And only because I was getting old. And it was even while I was feeling really good about myself. So it momentarily made me think that I had been complaining too much. Which I had. But mostly because that’s what I do.

A drawing by Rob Pollak

But you don’t have to take my word for it. Psychologists from a university that I’m about to make up confirmed that it gets better and summarized it in this chart:

A drawing by Rob Pollak Charting Happiness by Age

(Source: University of Ticonderoga Dept. of Psychology and Neuroses)

2) I care about you. A lot.

If you ever need someone to talk to, just let me know (and then sign up for my facebook page). I respond to every comment there, so I would do the same for you. Click “like” and I’ll drive you to school every day. What the hell do I care?

A drawing by Rob Pollak

Many other people care about you as well. It might not feel like it when you’re moping around the house. But trust me, they’re out there. Probably closer than you think:

A drawing by Rob Pollak
A drawing by Rob Pollak

3) You’re beautiful

I’m not going to insult you by drawing a stick figure of you looking beautiful. Not because I’m nice, but because I tried and, well, here, see for yourself:

A drawing by Rob Pollak

Full disclosure – I drew the picture after I wrote that last paragraph. That’s beauty right there. And if I can fall in love with a stick figure (I don’t even like blondes) then you can find someone too. So if that’s what your sad about, just know that this poor girl found love. You may have to try internet dating, but there’s not even a stigma attached to that anymore.

4) Les Mis isn’t really that bad.

I mean it’s bad, but not “I don’t want to be on the same earth as it” bad. Like, Anne Hathaway is pretty good, I guess. And Hugh Jackman is alright (at least until he puts on the fat suit). But you should probably go outside during the times when Borat’s on screen.

5) I have to go now

This list is not meant to be exhaustive It’s just that I have to go. I’ll be back. So if you get freaked out, text me or something. I really want you to stick around.

I love you. Seriously.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Please Don’t Kill Yourself When You Read This

  1. I just started reading your blog – like today. I am blonde so sorry about that, but you are pretty funny – and I may just keep reading. Your stick figures are hilarious and remind me mightily of my own pathetic attempts (not that yours are) at drawing, circa 5th grade. Now I am much older and more sophisticated but alas, my drawings are not.

  2. Stick around, or stick FIGURE around?! GET IT? Are the “what’s happening” and “what you think is happening” pictures reversed? I think it’d be cheerier if you didn’t end with the person alone in the room with a raincloud. I’m awesome, but even that made me want to suicide a little bit.

  3. Too damn funny! I’m happy I found you. I just wrote a series of posts about being in a hospital (several years ago) and I had people coming outta the wood work all worried about my mental health. I couldn’t believe it. I was like “mmmm…. I wouldn’t be writing this story if I was suicidal!”

  4. Pingback: Can You Hear The People Sing? Unfortunately, Yes. A Review of Les Miserables | Rob Complains About Things

  5. Thanks, that just made me happy. I’m in therapy for two years now and I am feeling better every day 🙂
    Definitely gonna start reading your blog.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s