Just wanted to warn everyone that I’m winning powerball tonight. It’s $325 million dollars.
Here’s what I’m going to do with my hard earned prize money:
I’m going to ask for it all in quarters. Then I am going to spend a few hours doing this:
Buy a Jeremy Lin jersey.
Buy a bike and park it in an NYC parking garage for $135 a month, and then never ride it.
Move into an apartment or house that is big enough for the stove to be on without the smoke alarm instantly going off.
Register for this and then maybe show up, maybe not.
Hire someone to be solely responsible for responding to questions about technology from my parents.
Upgrade my iPad to an iPad2.
Set up my new pinterest page with photos of my fanning myself with cash.
Start buying the HD version of TV shows from itunes.
Fly somewhere exotic and check an extra bag despite the fee.
Name my future children after colors or fruits.
Join an exclusive golf club and play every day using a new Titleist ProV1 on each hole. Have my friend Ryan Driscoll caddie for me and not tip him.
Upgrade to PlayStation2.
Go back to Kripalu and stay in the room with a private bath. Resist strong urges to donate the rest of the money back to Kripalu. Save enough for deprogramming expenses.
Set up a second DVR so I can watch something reasonable when Anne’s recording The Good Wife and The Closer at the same time.
Buy a second pair of jeans.
Get a reality show about what it’s like to win the lottery and then
Use whatever’s left to buy facebook stock —> Profit!