Michael, I’ve made a huge mistake.
While every other American watches the Superbowl, I will be finding my passion on a yoga retreat. How did I get into this quandary? It’s a fair question. My mom must have read about the way to my heart because for my birthday she graciously offered to send me to one of her favorite places in the world so that I can find my true calling. I’m going to DVR the game, so can everyone PLEASE not mention anything about it until like Thursday?
In preparation for the trip, I’ve taken a few yoga classes. It turns out that I sort of like it. As with anything new that I try, I find there are pros and cons.
- I feel kind of good when I’m done.
- This video
- No athletic activity should reasonably allow for a call and response sing-a-long session.
- The moment when the teacher tells you to turn to the side and bend at the waist and then lift your head and look forward, and when you look forward your head is literally engulfed in the ass of the woman on the mat next to you. I wish I didn’t know the size of her pants when the only label is on the inside.
- That the women in the class make it look like the easiest thing in the world, yet I am sweating so much that there is a large puddle developing at the front of my mat, and my mat has enough sweat on it that it probably could be used as a slip and slide for a group of small children.
- That every woman in the class is probably thinking that I am trying to look at her butt, when in actuality I am only trying to breathe so I do not die or worse, vomit.
- When someone towels the door to keep the incense smell inside the yoga studio, I get weird flashbacks to college.
- General discomfort with being barefoot around other people.
- Feelings of guilt that someone else probably has their head uncomfortably close to my ass.
I will try and live blog my passion-finding weekend, but I have a feeling the use of electronic devices will be strongly discouraged during my programs.
PS – One more con:
I have no idea what Namaste means.