Quick Hits

Yesterday, I invited my loyal facebook page followers to hurl insults at me if I fail to write three posts a week.  Today’s the first day, so I would really be a terrible person if I didn’t at least get something out to you.  Therefore, I’ll do something I’ve been doing basically all my life:  Half ass it to meet a commitment but do nothing above and beyond the minimum that’s required of me.

In other words, I’m making a list of things that I’ve been thinking lately:

1.  Anne’s having a baby.  That dominates most of my time.  I just think about it and then explain to Anne how to be pregnant.  If not for me, she’d probably be eating turkey and blue cheese sandwiches all the time.  A few months ago, I had no idea that if a pregnant woman ingests blue cheese or deli meat, it’s lights out for the fetus.

2.  The 80 to Baby initiative remains strong.  I’m a few days behind pace, but that’s because Anne is a Gestapo who doesn’t count golf as exercise.  The days when I walk 18 holes and swing a heavy club 200 or so times somehow isn’t exercise.  Nice try, Anne, but I think John Daly would disagree with you:

3.  Speaking of golf, no one cares but I recently made a swing change.  I also got these pants.   I’ll probably never wear them, because I don’t think they’re for Jews.  But they’ll look great hanging in my closet.

4.  Apparently no one cares about stamps.  Because I’ve been sending out some great mail via the USPS, yet no one else wants anything.  Your loss, bro.

5.  This will be the worst blog post I ever make.  Seriously.  I have so much that I want to say but so little time.  It’s really hard to play 18 holes of golf in the morning and then work all afternoon/night.  And then try to entertain.

6.  I took a hiatus from yoga to gain sympathy weight.  It was awesome but now I’m on the brink of buying my own pregnancy pants.  That’s no good, so I went back to the gym today.  It’s on.

7.  Please don’t unsubscribe from my blog because of this post.  As LGBT advocates have been reminding us for years, it gets better.

Suck it,


5 thoughts on “Quick Hits

    • I called to find out. The customer service guy said, “dude, you’ve been wearing the sympathy weight sizes for years.” Then he called me fatso and hung up.

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