You came for the complaints, but hopefully you’ll stay for the other stuff too. Here are some things I’m not complaining at all about right now:
The NY Post-Cast. My cousin Mark just happens to be a big shot NY Post sports reporter. He and Mike Vaccaro started a sports-themed podcast a couple of weeks ago. If you’re into sports or entertainment generally, check it out. That’s an interview with Jeff Van Gundy. Here’s one with filmmaker Ed Burns. Mark said if enough people read my blog, I can be a guest. Fine, he didn’t say that. But hint hint.
Look before you speak
Saying “Look” before I say something I want you to really notice. Look, the president does it, we all know that. But can saying “look” work for you? Look, if it works for fantasy sports reporters (can you believe that’s a thing?) then maybe we should all take a look inside and see if we can do this too.
My quest for a great email sign off continues. Here are the options I’ve dismissed:
“Thanks” – As in a preemptive thanks for ignoring my email, asshole.
“Cheers” – The fastest way to let others know that you studied abroad in London for a semester in college, a semester which turned you into a douche.
“Best” – worst.
“Sincerely” – What am I, a letter from 1822?
“Regards” – Gaining in popularity, but lacking in meaning or depth or sensicalness.
“Love” – rarely appropriate for business setting.
“Best regards” – see, “best.” See also, “regards.”
“With warm regards” – Look, never email me again, ok?
“Hit me up” – Not gonna lie, I still sort of like this one.
“Yours” – Too sultry. Only works for Jason Mraz.
“Suck it” – Works well in moderation.
The New Rules for Blondes – A book.
My friend Selena wrote a book. She’s sometimes funny. Like in this preview: (Books apparently have previews now. It’s a thing.)
Diagrams and Charts
It seems I’m not the only one who can find a way to use a chart to hilarious results. Here are two that I’ve liked recently:
(funny if you find balls and farts funny. Not funny if you don’t, but you should still see how she fits you into her venn diagram)
Summaries and Concluding Remarks
Finally and in conclusion, I have recently decided to be more formal with my summarizing of blog posts. As I have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt, there is other stuff you should be reading on the Internet. I hope that you will return to my site after you venture away from it and that you don’t hate everything I’ve shared. I apologize in advance for anything you hate.