It’s no secret that I love the Olympics. Looking back on my life, I’m convinced that if my parents had pushed me a little bit harder I could have been an Olympian. But I’m also a realist. So I’ve narrowed it down to these three events for where I had my best chance (summer olympics only):
When I used to go to summer camp every year, I excelled in Archery. On one particularly accurate day, I popped the balloon pinned to the target. I also enjoy saying “quiver” and can patiently wait for the whistle to retrieve my arrows. Also, the bows they use are so ridiculous that I don’t even know if there is skill involved. I mean, c’mon. Look at this thing:
In 10th grade, we boxed in Ervin Cruz’s backyard after school one day. I got pitted in a bought against Ervin. He knocked me out almost immediately. I feel that if I had instead won that bought, it may have launched a successful boxing career. Instead, I stayed on the ground in a semi-conscious state for about 10 minutes, and then pretended to be concussed so that I wouldn’t have to fight anyone else. One of his jabs caused my braces to adhere directly to my upper lip, causing severe internal mouth bleeding. That night was the worst marching band practice of my life.
3. Gymnastics (Rhythmic)
Little known fact: I can make a circle in the air with a scarf better than just about anyone else I’ve ever met. Unfortunately, this event is one of two women-only events in the Olympic games. Title IX essentially ruined my chances at a Wheaties box. I also find it difficult to spell the word rhythmic without looking it up each time. They should just call it “not really gymnastics. Or a sport.” That’s easier to spell and more accurate.
I think that’s it. Maybe steeplechase too, but I don’t like to get my socks wet, so I never really tried it.